I cried while watching Star Wars The Force Awakens today, and not because of the unbelievably EPIC movie.

Ayanna, my seven-year old, is a HUGE Star Wars fan. She’s seen all the movies, was Darth Vader for Halloween, runs around the house making Chewy noises and thinks BB-8 is literally “the cutest and coolest”droid ever. So of course the new movie was cause for great excitement in our little home.

Fast forward to today. The day of the “official” release, and the day I surprise my little Jedi with a trip to the movies. So we walk into the theater, me with my work badge still attached, and A with her very adorable, very pink, and very new Star Wars pjs and her eyes covered because IT’S A SURPRISE! We get our tickets (where the ticket lady rudely spoils our surprise by screaming Star Wars, like there’s another got damn movie showing at exactly 6:15!) and my kid literally skips to the ticket man, proudly displays her ticket, then continues to skip to our theater. We finally make it to our seats, get our coats off, shake up our popcorn, and settled in for the previews.

The lights go out. The volume turns up. The talking stops. Our movie begins.

Our movie starts and I look over at this little girl who has my face. The little version of my face that is glued to the screen with a smile that genuinely spreads from ear to ear. And this little face is so into the movie! Leaning over to me and telling me the names of the characters, gasping when thing happens, laughing when things happen, and hitting my arm when things happen. This little, brilliant girl who believes Darth Vader had some light in him in the end. This little girl with my face, and my voice, and my mannerisms. And of course I start to cry. How could I not? With all the crap I’ve been dealt this year. All the truly shitty things I’ve been (and will continue to) dealing with, are just bumps. Irritating bumps that make me want to scream and shout and cuss, but bumps all the same. One day (very soon I hope) those bumps will just be a spot of ick that happened during my 20’s. But this movie date with this little girl with a face like mine will be something she and I will never forget. The day, we both, for the first time, saw a Star Wars movie in theaters. The day when mommy let her wear her brand new pink fluffy Star Wars pajamas to the brand new Star Wars movie. Today will be a day that stands out when we look back. A day when I can say, with pride, that my little girl was the only little girl, in a sea of boys and men at Star Wars The Force Awakens. And that I encouraged her to hope for the bad guy, root for the girl, and believe that mommy truly wanted to be BB-8 more than anything in the world.

It is so easy this time of year to get caught up in presents and bills and all the crazy not so good shit that happened this entire year. And it makes us forget about the good things. This was my good thing. This is what I’ll remember about 2015. Not the court dates, or the stomach flu (TWICE!), or the car trouble, the terrifyingly skinny bank account or the bills to come. 2015 will forever be, the year we saw Star Wars. And nothing, can spoil that for me.

octavia

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