Date Night

You know what? I’m blaming Beyonce for this one.

What You Say Bitch Beyonce

That’s right Bey. I am blaming YOU for this.

Why am I blaming Beyonce you ask? You listen to the Fifty Shade of Grey version of Crazy In Love and tell me you don’t immediately squirm in anticipation! You do not drop a special version of CRAZY IN LOVE and not expect people to be all “hell yes I need to know what made this song a reality”! I mean URGH DAMN YOU BEYONCE! You made me crave this movie! Even though I just tried to reread book one and couldn’t make it more than 15% in! Even though I KNEW going in that this movie would be cringe worthy! YOU DID THIS BEYONCE! I hope you’re happy with yourself.


I’ve wanted to see the FSOG movie since the first trailer released. I read the books way back when they were first released and in all honesty I truly enjoyed them then. Of course taste change and when I recently tried to re-read them I could not handle the awful. But I still wanted to see the movie! My sister, in a roundabout way, suggested we go see it opening night and to be 100% truthful I didn’t even stop and think before screaming YES at her.

This was my first mistake.

Imagine watching porn with your adult (yet baby) sister. Seriously. Imagine sitting on the couch, eating popcorn and nachos and watching PORN with your sibling. Now multiple this by, oh lets say 20. That 20 represents the random strangers who are now watching said porn with you and your sister.

Feel The Awkward

This was my life for a little over TWO HOURS! TWO HOURS PEOPLE! And why was it so awkward? Oh let me count the ways!

1. Nipples

I’m not saying nipples in general are awkward but every 90 seconds there were nipples. NIPPLES EVERYWHERE I TELL YOU!

2. Butts…butts galore

I can never un-see the number of butts I saw tonight….never.

3. Power thrust!

Do I really have to explain this one? I mean..really?!

Then you have the dialogue.  You know how, as book nerds, we always say “it was nothing like the book”? This is an instance when it was 1000% like the book it was based on.The dialogue, the “plot”. It was eerily identical to the book. There were, in my opinion, two differences. One was the chemistry! There was no sizzle! And not just the “sex”. It was in the way they “looked” at each other. The way they spoke! I know in the book, it takes time for the dialogue between them to seem natural but never do you second guess their chemistry. The second was Anastasia. I didn’t think it was possible but she had a backbone! She was awkward like the character but she had many moments of “I’ll do what I please” and I really liked that the sped this Anastasia up.

Polite Clapping

But, and this is where I will loose a few people…I still sort of enjoyed it. It wasn’t good. I’m not saying that by a LONG shot. But overall it was somehow enjoyable. Even with it’s stiff dialogue and immeasurably awkward sex scenes I still, overall, didn’t flat out hate it. My sister summed it up best to me:

“It was good. It was mostly porn and him being a creep, but it was good”

Will I go to the theaters to see the 2nd one? HELL TO THE NO! Will I buy a Blu-Ray copy and watch it at home? Umm not unless it’s 70% off. Will I stop by RedBox and rent it for ONE night and one night only? Maybe. The way this one ended (more stupid!) it left me intrigued…this could be the start of an even worse life decision but I admit I want to see what will happen next and if the awkward/stiff characters will get any better.

That said I personally can’t recommend someone going to the movies and watching. Mostly because it’s not the kind of movie you should (or would want) to watch in a room full of strangers. But if you spot it at RedBox, on a dreary day and are curious I say give it a go! The soundtrack alone makes it work the 1.50.

O-Sign RSR 2.0.2


14 thoughts on “Fifty Shades of Grey…The Movie”

  1. I literally have tears in my eyes laughing right now.

    Also the way they looked at each other might have something to do with the fact that the two actors apparently hate each other and the movie. So that might have played into the lack of chemistry/inherent sucking of it.

  2. Baha! I saw your tweet earlier and started laughing because I had a feeling a post would be coming after you finished watching it. I’ve heard two things about this movie: 1) “I loved it! It’s so true to the books” and 2) “It’s not totally awful…but not worth the $10 ticket”.
    And this tells me one thing: I’m going to fraking hate it, lol. I do plan on watching it, but it’ll probably be in like a year when it finally hits the movie channels and I’m forced to stay up until 2am.

    Plus I’ve watched interviews with the two actors and they are basically really good at avoiding each other.
    Michelle @ In Libris Veritas recently posted…Reading & Ranting: The Perfect Bookish Gift Guide Part 1My Profile

  3. I draw the line at watching porn in a crowded theater full of strangers. XD I will probably see it though, but not in the cinema. Like you I enjoyed the books when I first read them, but that was so many years ago! And I tried to reread them last year but well… Like you, I could not stand them. Grammar alone made me cringe.

    My boyfriend said this: “It’s twilight if you replace vampires with bdsm.” Which is hilarious because he didn’t even know it started as Twilight fanfiction. But he did nail it. No pun intented.
    Bieke @ Istyria book blog recently posted…Mirror Mirror: Bookmail, Spiderman & Other Awesome StuffMy Profile

  4. I love this in so many ways hahaha! I’ve had the same debate of going to go see it or not… My friends and I are thinking to just wait till it’s out on dvd and renting it for a night. My mom and I were watching TV the other night and the trailer came on and she asks, “I don’t get it, what’s it about?” haha. I describe the book as Crack. You know it’s utterly horrible, but you just can’t stop reading it. lol.
    Cristina recently posted…Lemon Chicken and BroccoliMy Profile

  5. Sooo…I totally read the books back before the craze and enjoyed them too! I didn’t really think they were good, but I had fun reading all the crazy. But when I heard there was going to be a movie….nooooooo!!! I do not want to see this!!! But then again I totally want to see this!!! You have confirmed my suspicions that it’s going to be awkward and not very good, but kind of good!!! I just don’t know. I’ll probably get it from the library. 😛

    I haven’t even seen the full trailer yet, but from what I’ve read online, Christian isn’t sexy. This disappoints me. I’m hoping Ana is hot though.
    Angie F. recently posted…Review: If You Could Be Mine by Sara FarizanMy Profile

  6. I haven’t read the books, and I don’t think I will… and of course I won’t be seeing the movie(s). I’m quite annoyed because I love the new version of Crazy in Love, but now everytime I hear it, I dread seeing a movie ad!
    To each their own, and even if it’s not my thing… If it’s your thing, enjoy!
    Pili @ In Love With Handmade recently posted…Saturday Pages: ARC Review of Collide by Melissa West!My Profile

  7. THANK YOU!! Leave it to Pili to say the one thing I feel we shouldn’t “have” to say but do in regards to this series! So many people shaming people for seeing/reading it and for what?! If that’s their thing let it be their thing!

  8. LMAO! Great Review!

    I have to say I went with a bunch of dirty birdie bookish people, not my sister so I never felt awkward. I guess that would kinda be weird o.O
    Like you, I am not a huge fan of the books (at least from my reread), and I have yet to read the final book, so I didn’t have a whole lot of expectations for this movie. I was however curious, and even excited to watch it.

    I did enjoy it though. I thought they did well with the characters and storyline they were given. I mean it wasn’t that much to work with. Most avid readers agree the books left a lot to be desired, LOL.

    I will be going to see the next one, hopefully with some of the same people I saw this one with. And definitely not my sister 😉
    Stacy (StacyHgg) recently posted…5 reasons why (I think) the FSOG movie was better than the book.My Profile

  9. Ha! Good decision not going with your sister lol! Overall I enjoyed it and I’m happy I saw it..but geez that ending!? Guess I’ll just have to stay tuned for the 2nd one. 😉

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