Lately, I’ve been feeling very anxious. Not towards what I have to do but more towards what I didn’t do. August is almost upon us which means my summer is already more than half over and I keep thinking about how I haven’t done anything I wanted to. Sure, I scheduled all my posts for August, I started doing some school stuff and I started working on a new writing project but it still doesn’t feel like I’ve been doing what I want.
I keep thinking about all the reviews I should write, all the posts I should plan, all the to-do lists to finish, my piles of books to read, and keeping up with my WIP. Just thinking about all of these things makes my so anxious, nervous and stressed and it’s honestly a real problem.
So I’ve decided to take a step back.
I don’t have to review all of these books. I don’t have to write these posts for my library, they made it unscheduled/loosely organized so that I wouldn’t have to stress. I don’t have to write every day. I don’t have to read every single book I want to RIGHT NOW.
My summer is supposed to be fun but I keep making unrealistic expectations for myself and that’s a problem. I’m not saying that over-blogging, not blogging, or reading is the problem. The problem is me. I keep giving myself unrealistic goals, and making too many unfinished to-do lists or trying to plan everything down to the day.
Since I already have most of my blogging done for August, I think I’ll be taking a step back from review writing. I want to spend my last month of summer reading like crazy and enjoying it! I want to be able to sit around with tubs of ice cream and cheesy rom-coms without feeling guilty. I still plan to participate in ARC August because it’s a great idea and I’m super excited for it & I’ll join the twitter chats too.
Blogging has always been fun but my unrealistic goals of what I should have or should do in the summer is just too much for me. I need to start focusing on my happiness vs. what I want(ed) to get done for this last half of summer. I just want to read all the books I want without feeling guilt, or stress, about having to do anything with them after.
I know this ‘happiness instead of productivity’ attitude will take me some time to get used to and that I’ll still feel anxious about stuff that I can’t control but I’ll work on it. I’ll work on trying to make the most out of my summer. I’ll work on stopping the to-do lists and maybe making a “things I could”do today lists” (I still love lists). I’m not done with blogging or writing, I love them too much, but I am deciding that the things I expect of myself are just too much.
I’ll work on reading without trying to review the books (either for this blog or for my library). I’ll work on maybe not writing EVERY DAY but still trying to see the progress in the long run. I’ll work on trying to enjoy my part-time job, as I’ve been feeling kind of displeased about it (even though I know it’s a great job & I love the people there). I’ll work on fixing my own need to always be working, always doing something productive, never willing to just relax.
If you’ve read this way-too-long,emotional and very personal post, thank you.