Stop & Chat….again?

October 26, 2013 Features & Spotlights 14


Ok so I know I’ve done like 3 discussion post in the past 5 days but, I don’t have any reviews scheduled and stuff keeps popping up that I REALLY want to talk about! And today’s random post is no exception.

So the other day I was cruising around the twitterverse (as always) and I happened upon a conversation between a few bloggers I know. And no, you are not getting screenshots or names because that is not what this post is about. Anywho, blogger “A” was offended that a person commented on her Waiting on Wednesday post (that blogger “A” obviously gushed about) with “I have this. I hope I like it.”. In comes blogger “B”, who agrees with the “offensive”, showoffy, and “greedy” comment. Next comes blogger C who says quiet simply “what was offensive about it? Sounds like they were excited.” Of course this morphed into:

“it’s just etiquette. You don’t go onto someones page and blatantly flash your book in their face! It’s rude!”

Personally I was thinking “It’s a meme, the point is for people to view it”. Being that I’ve already stalked the convo for about 5 minutes, I figured I’d drop in my two cents:

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Look, I know I’m not your average lady. I curse like a sailor and I can dish out two insults for any insult you throw my way. So maybe I’m a bit “tougher” than some. But this really got me thinking. This person left a comment on a blog that she obviously follows right? So it’s safe to assume that maybe she also follows blogger “A” on twitter too right? So, what do we have to say about this commenter who’s comment was deleted because of reasons? Even, if by chance they didn’t see the tweets they could have, and they could seriously feel like shit right this second. I’m not saying that I personally enjoyed their comment. To be honest I prefer comments with more substance, but I don’t see the reasoning nor the point of potentially publicly humiliating some poor girl who just got excited that a blog she follows is excited for a book she owns.

Of course this is only the tip of the iceberg!

I genuinely feel that, as a people, we are getting way too soft. Everything is offensive. Everything is bullying. Everything is wrong. And to be honest it’s all really hypocritical. You are offended that someone got a book you want, but then you post haul videos were you received more books than my local library has? Really?! You clam that an author was bullying your negative review, so then you go and rip them a new one on every social site you can imagine, because obviously thats just getting the word out. Nope. Not bullying AT ALL. It’s just a never ending cycle of butthurt (thanks for that word wife) folks and it’s exhausting.

I know there are rude/mean/showoffy people out there, but we are adults dammit! And that is the way of life. I think the scarier part is that as adults we can’t see the difference between someone being excited or defensive or just plain old confused, and them being a genuinely rude person.

When I was a kid I thought my Granny was mean because she always told us two things:

1. Put your feelings under your feet and walk on them, because that’s what most of the world is going to do no matter what.

2. Mickey Mouse rocked the house, and Donald Duck don’t give a fuck.

What does this mean you ask? It means that, people are going to be mean. People are going to be rude. Some people are going to be total jackasses. BUT! Don’t let a jackass turn you into one. And as an adult, I’m grateful that these are two facts my Granny shared with us when we were young, because I just can’t see myself as one of those overly sensitive people.

So, bookish folks. I’m sure many of you are waiting to rip me a new one, and I’m sure some of you are ready to give me a standing ovation, but first I have a question. The point of book blogging is to connect with people who have the same passion that you do. A passion for reading. Etiquette, is one thing but when do we, as a community, realize the contradictory rules we’ve somehow implemented on everyone? When do we jump off our high horses, shrug our shoulders and realize that not everything is meant to be offensive? And above all, when do we take the camera off of ourselves and look though it from someones else’s viewpoint?

Go on and tackle the comment box.

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14 Responses to “Stop & Chat….again?”

  1. Jessi @ Novel Heartbeat

    WOW! Someone is a bit touchy. I can understand if the person was actually flaunting the book in someone’s face, but just stating that you got it isn’t rude, it’s a freaking fact! Jeez. There’s been so many times where I saw someone talking about a book and was like “Ohh, I just got this one, can’t wait to read it!” or something along those lines. It’s not meant in any malicious way, it’s just making a statement. I don’t know how many times I’ve been dying for a book and someone else said exactly that: They got it and can’t wait to read it. I don’t react to that as “Bitch, how dare you flaunt that in my face!” but rather, “Wow I’m jealous, you’re so lucky! I can’t wait til I can get my hands on it too!” But then again, I have this little thing called MATURITY. *rolls eyes at idiots*

    “As a people, we are getting way too soft. Everything is offensive. Everything is bullying. Everything is wrong.”
    YOU’RE TELLING ME!!! I got called abrasive a few weeks ago for calling things as I see them. I wanted to say, ‘Well, if you’d grow a spine and stop acting like a fucking little mouse, I wouldn’t be abrasive,’ but that probably would have made it worse, wouldn’t it? *snickers* I’m not abrasive, I’m honest. I speak my mind and there’s not much of a filter. People can’t handle that! Everyone is so damn sensitive about everything. If something comes off as rude, roll your eyes and brush it off. (Or maybe, consider that perhaps that person is going through something in their personal life, so people shouldn’t judge too fast?) Don’t go off and cry like a little baby because you don’t like the way something is.

    I have a hell of a temper, and sometimes I can be a bit short with people if I’m pissy. I don’t handle stupidity well, so when people act like morons I tend to get a little bitchy. But does that mean that I am an actual bitch? I personally try my best to be a good person and do the right thing. Sometimes I just have too much on my plate and can’t handle the world and all of its idiocies and hypocrisies. But that makes me human, not evil! Call me a bitch, I’ll show you one!

    Even more reasons why your Granny is awesome!

    This post is seriously brilliant. I love the way you view things because I see things the same way. The more of your opinion I hear, the more awesome you are to me!
    Jessi @ Novel Heartbeat recently posted…Review: Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea by April Genevieve TucholkeMy Profile

  2. Rita @ Weaving Pages

    To be honest, I wouldn’t be offended at all by that comment….and if I commented something like that, I have to admit that I would be quite baffled as to why anyone would be offended..! I guess we all have different opinions on what is/isn’t offensive.. I do agree with you that I like comments that I can reply to in a manner other than “thanks!” but if someone commented with “I have this! Hope I like it!” I would be excited for them, and ask them to tell me if they did end up liking it or not once they’ve read it! There can be quite a fine line between bragging and simply stating fact/opinion (which is what I think the comment was doing) and I personally don’t think that this comment crossed it. Anyway, those are my thoughts and the person who felt offended may have reasons for feeling like that, that I don’t know about, so I can’t judge!! Thanks for addressing this, Octavia!

    Rita xx
    Rita @ Weaving Pages recently posted…World After by Susan EeMy Profile

  3. Ashley

    Unless it was actually said in an obviously malicious way, I wouldn’t be offended. I have probably commented similarly to that in the past. Like:

    “Omg I agree, this book sounds AMAZING! I just got it from netgalley and i can’t wait to read it!!!”

    I’m not trying to throw that fact in their face. I’m just gushing and showing my excitement!
    Ashley recently posted…Where I Get My “Follow Me” WidgetMy Profile

  4. Christine @ Oh, Chrys!

    It really baffles me that friendly debate barely exists, as your initial tweets were prompting.

    Regarding the commenter, no one can know her true intention besides her. The fact that it was supposedly shared on Waiting on Wednesday, there is high chance the comment was made for exposure (ie. a halfass comment). Probably it was meant to aggravate the poster in a childish manner. Probably it was an innocent expression of excitement. There are two stark possibilities so any sort of assumption is unfounded. Semantics is not hard-core evidence.

    The major problem here is that of passive-aggression on both sides. The blasting of the innocent/guilty commenter was unfair, especially since a specific hint of the post was shared. Had I been that commenter, and I had no malicious intentions, I would have felt like shit. I am glad to see that you shared your unpopular stance though this does not make you innocent in my book.

    I hate to bring this up, but I was in a similar situation where my unpopular opinion was badly received, and I resorted to an after-post about the encounter without identifying anyone. 98% of the commenters had no idea what the post was inspired by, but after critical insight I saw that what I did was wrong and right. Wrong for hurting a blogger who hurt me, and right for not suppressing my opinion and inspiring others. Even up to this day I see passive-aggression about it (even from bloggers I don’t know – blech). Sometimes I have a follower DM me about a bitter tweet/post referring to me, but you know, it is best to pretend you saw nothing. Unlike me though, you are way more outspoken and passionate, and I cannot criticize you for your personality. I know you are not one to tone things done. You are thick-skinned, so empathizing with them is going to be difficult – especially after the back and forth.

    Now this post has its ‘inspiration’ too, and those inspirees, for lack of a better word, will likely feel offended by it. I do not blame them. You did not publicly identify them, but if they do come across this post, it will sting. This post reeks of passive-aggression, and would have served its purpose even more effectively without the sharing of the incident. As I mentioned earlier to the both of you, it would have been best if you both discussed this privately. That is really the way to go. She could have seen your side, and you could have seen her side. You guys could have probably grown more respect for each other! Not this! Now I look on my Twitter feed and I see name-calling on both sides! It is very disappointing that you two took it this far. Not one side is innocent. Arguments are fueled by two or more.

    So while I champion you for not taking shit from anyone and for sharing unpopular opinions that others are too scared to share, I cannot say I agree with this post. Having had done something before like this, I can say that there is not much benefit. I hope you two can make things better, as you both have marred each other.
    Christine @ Oh, Chrys! recently posted…Book Review: Hemingway’s Girl by Erika RobuckMy Profile

  5. lectus

    Oh my god, how ridiculous that is! You are right about people getting too sensitive over stupid things. It’s a meme for people to comment!!! Blogger A should make her blog private and for her eyes only. Now, why do I assume it’s a she? He he he
    lectus recently posted…Cain’s Blood by Geoffrey GirardMy Profile

  6. Mel@thedailyprophecy

    I’m not sure why you would post this after seeing the whole Twitter drama. You say “but we are adults dammit” So perhaps you should understand that this post isn’t really fair. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. If you don’t agree with it, fine, but don’t try to jump on every opportunity to say what you think. I thought Twitter was a free place where we can tweet our thoughts, but apparently we’re all supposed to keep our mouths shut from now on. Because, God forbid, you might have another opinion and people will tell you that. Discussions are fun, but sometimes you should leave them alone.

    People getting too soft is in my opinion bull shit. Just the fact that you are perhaps a bit harder, doesn’t mean everyone has to be that way. And there were cases where authors bullied the review, so I’m not sure why you say otherwise?

    I’m not really liking the blogging sphere lately. It’s making me sick. Yuck 🙁
    Mel@thedailyprophecy recently posted…Review 209. Robin Bridges – The gathering dark.My Profile

    • Octavia

      “Don’t try to jump on every opportunity to say what you think”…….. It was a discussion. Am I suppose to hold me tongue whenever I see an interesting discussion that I would like to join? No. I didn’t mind the varying opinion. In fact I ended it with “different strokes for different folks”. And people are getting too soft. A simple discussion has turned into some giant windstorm and now I’m expected to apologize for having an opinion? Um no again. This Stop & Chat was posted before the “twitter drama”. It made me question etiquette and I wanted to discuss the varying OPINIONS of said etiquette. The entire world is full of stuff that will make you sick. You just so happened to get a front row seat to that ugly side.

  7. Vanessa

    It’s all in the what was said/tone.

    If commented had said “OH I HAVE THAT BOOK LOL TOO BAD FOR YOU” I would totally get how it would be offensive. “OH Hai, I have that book, hope I like it” is no where near remotely offensive.

    Maybe person A was having a bad day, and that was just the icing on the cake?
    Vanessa recently posted…Ups & DownsMy Profile

  8. Megan

    Obviously I wasn’t part of this convo or even saw the comment, but I don’t think the WoW comment was meant to be rude at all. I hope that person does enjoy the book. If it was my WoW I would probably feel a bit jealous that this person had the book, but I feel mild jealousy on a daily basis on the blogosphere. I deal with it and don’t get all butthurt (it’s a good word) about it. I usually try to give people the benefit of the doubt, since things can often be misinterpreted over the internet since you can’t hear the tone of people’s voice in their comments/tweets/posts. People just need to calm the fuck down in general!
    Megan recently posted…Stacking the Shelves (1)My Profile

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